The following analysis of Oscar Bodies was submitted to me, by pretty reader Celeste, who has agreed to being published. Her analysis prompted me to laugh so hard that I cried. Fellow members of The Bulimic Mafia shall love it, too, undoubtedly. The Oscars are certainly old news, but Celeste’s raw, high-level, fashion-girl feedback is simply too perfect to keep as confidential. I hereby feed your craving. Because I know you want it. Bon Appétit, pretties! ;)
xo Nicole Marie Story
My favourite looks from the Oscars…
by Celeste
My favourite was hands down Naomi Watts, both on the red carpet and at the after-party.
Her body is PERFECT: Thin but not skeletal, toned. She also looks happy and radiant. Her dresses are risky and original, futuristic even. Her male accessory also happens to be the most handsome sexy guy in celeb world, IMO!
Followed by Salma Hayek: I usually think she’s fat and I hate huge boobs but this Alexander McQueen looked perfect on her.
Followed by Natalie Portman at the after-party. Natalie Portman can never go wrong in my books!
Followed by Lily Collins at the Vanity Fair bash.
Looks I hated.
Kelly Osborne: Too gaudy, too much going on… and I still can’t stomach her purple hair.
Giuliana Rancic: She looks so unwell to me. Hair is so thin and she looks weak, dress has too much draping for her tiny frame.
Anne Hathaway: She must be growing outher hair. It’s at that odd length where no styling manages to keep it put together. Dress is too straight up and down. She always wears the same silhouette BUT I loved her necklace worn front-to-back. P.S., SORRY I’m biased, I hate Anne Hathaway, I can’t help it. I can’t detach myself from the Disney good girl image I have of her.
Adele: Always wears the same kind of grandma dress.
Jennifer Anniston: Her body is wasted beneath those acres of fabric.
Kristen Stewart: A mess as usual, does not own a haiarbrush, her body has no waist.
HATED Heidi Klum’s look. Her boobs are hanging so low she’s soon going to step over them!
For those who said Reese looks fat… she’s just had a baby.
I love your fashion posts. :D
Readers: What do you think of Celeste’s analysis?
© Nicole Marie Story Enterprises, LLC and nicoleandgwendolyn.com, 2011 – 2013.
lovee the only ones i think are in the wrong categories are jennifer aniston, who looked hotttttt, and just because she isnt showing off her skin or wearing a body hugging dress, doesnt mean she doesnt look great!
and Lily Collins, what the hell is she wearing and how is that cute? bleh.
Oh girlfriend how I lovvvvvvvvve you!!!!!!!!! To know that you made time for my tiny little (skinny) blog during your busy moments of high level academia simply renders my heart with pretty happiness:) … I disagree with you on Anniston. I think she’s slacked (like I should talk). And I also disagree with you on Lily. I think she’s Euro fabulous (kind of like the Euro trash that dated the rich man on Sex & the City and bought Carrie an expensive pressie)… but at the end of the day, I love that Celeste has brought you out of the cave! I have missed you dearly! Welcome back:) xo
Almost as vapid as yours, but not quite! :D
Thanks for your readership!!! :D
No prob, dipstick! :D (Fuck, I love that emoticon!)
Why would I consider your readership to be a problem? Clearly it’s your pleasure. Enjoy it. ;)
I truly agree with this Celeste’s analysis except Salma Hayek! I’d put the way into the below category or even vote out of this post.
This year’s Oscars are very disappointing? What’s wrong with those people? More money less taste? This is really sad.
OMG! I think we just posted comments to each other at the same time!!! On my personal Facebook page, I just commented about saluting my European friends with wine, and it was totally directed at you and at Celeste!!! And voila freaking la! You are here at the same exact moment! Ha ha! :) I wish we were drinking wine together right now! Yes, I’ve said ‘wish.’ So haters, hate on my verbiage! :D But yes! What the fuck was wrong with Helen Hunt? She could certainly have worn an H&M proudly! But don’t look like a fucking wrinkled mess!!!!!!!!! She’s looked so old since the mid 90s. I think she’s destined to look that way. Kind of like Meryl Streep. So un-pretty! Unlike us. :) Happy Thursday to you from the past! It’s still Wednesday here. xoxoxo
Oh, I’d join your wine party even at 6 in the morning. ;) Saluting you back with a bowl of coffee! And really this years parade gave me so many sads I don’t even know where to begin…Agh, who cares anyway. I need to drag my old butt to the gym this morning, before I need some corset to keep me in shape ;)
Ha ha ha! I wore a corset during the bulimic years. Such a waste of $!!!
Hihihi! I had one too – like Bridget Jones’! Gosh, I’m ashamed writing this here. But yeah, had that and even wore it, maybe twice. Felt like shit!
Ha ha ha!!!!!!!!! In the yellow dress?! :)
And she wore the big panties (spanks) with the Hugh Grant first sex night. Laughing so hard!!!
Bahahaha!
Though I used to think I’m so her! I even though about smoking to associate even more! And that one day some Mr Darcy will love me just as I was!
Yeah, right – all the Darcys were taken by the skinny girls!!
In 2003, I did the “All by myself” rendition on the sofa with a cigarette and Fatal Attraction!!! LOL x 999!!! Mr. Darcy! Not for me. I always wanted Colin Firth. ;)
Oh yes, Naomi looks just absolutely fabulous!!!! I love her smile and her natural poses too. I do not hate Anne Hathaway, but her dress looked like her grandma sewed on extra cloth to her apron to make it look like a dress – in other words, just like Celeste said, way too straight all the way down. Not in any way flattering at all. Loved Natalie Portman; a great choice of dress for her! Although I’m not too sure about Selma Hayek, to me she looks like she’s choking under that dress…or maybe it’s the way she was posing…was she pushing her chest out too much?
Salma Hayek belonged to another time. One of royalty and greatness. I imagine that she would perfectly play Francisco D’Anconia’s great royal ancestor in a film version of Atlas Shrugged. I think she is beautiful! And if I could have that kind of rack on a small frame, then I would. But they would obviously require regular maintenance for long term perk. ;) xo
it’s the first time I’m going to show up amogst your comments, so hey, hi Nicole and everybody else :)
I was just thinking though, this looks like a good place to ask: am I the only one who sees S Hayek’s head a bit (rather extremely, actually) oversized? I was looking at the picture and it disturbs me almost as much as D Beckam’s teeny tiny t-rex mini hands (a little off topic, my apologies- but check it out and you’ll see)
LOL!!! I love her lollipop head. It’s my ideal. But David Beckham’s hands? I definitely just had to google that because, well, I love David Beckham, and I hate small hands! And I am happy to announce that I do find his hands to be small, but they are stubby which I like. Men with skinny, long fingers on small hands simply repulses me. I once dated a meteorologist who obviously used his hands, and I couldn’t watch the broadcasts without hating them. But he was a really nice guy anyway. :)
Heidi Klum’s breasts look completely perfect. That is what natural, normal sized breasts look like, versus the little mosquito bites that some skinny nymphs try to pass off as evidence of pubescence. I have seen every conceivable type of breasts in my hundreds on hundred of hours of drawing from life models. From pancakes to the aforementioned mosquito bites. I’ve seen every age (other than under 18 lol) every body size, every race, and rarely do breasts “hang” as nicely as Heidi’s. But of course, that is why she her looks made her a multimillionaire.
I think that perhaps we’re used to very low cut dresses being worn by fake-breasted women, and obviously those kinds of poops hang like balloons, whereas natural breasts are more like tear drops.
But regardless of all that, this author lost me as soon as she said she usually thinks Selma Hayek is fat. I can’t handle this level of high-quality, insightful observations. It is so overwhelming, truly. Next stop NY Times! Admittedly I don’t know the first thing about fashion but I do know that these people have a team of professionals working for them, so to discuss them in and their bodies in particular is kind of really silly. Also, perhaps Rancic looks “unwell” because she is in remission after recently being diagnosed with breast cancer. I really hope that one day, you will have a bigger audience, perhaps on TV or some such, beyond this small blog community, so that your opinions might have some weight. But until then, your opinions don’t matter at all, so don’t kid yourself into thinking they do.
Other than that, I have no problem with this article at all.