Exposing her ‘after’ pictures to the world, Sonja, with her article, The Fat One, turned my gin-flushed cheeks to the colour of white, prompting tears to well into my eyes, making me do something that hasn’t happened since July.
I got my fat ass to yoga.
If Sonja could expose her self-perceived uncomfortable images to the humungous world, then I could certainly suck-up my insecurities, stop hiding behind a rock, and attend a yoga class where I’d be forced to stay on the mat, instead of plopping onto the sofa with a bottle of
Fiji Wine, just 30 minutes into the session. I would dress in Lululemon, flaunt a side pony, paint my fingers and toes with Chanel’s Rouge Noir, and get my fat ass to class.
But, all day, staring in the mirror, I created excuses for not attending.
“I need another week. Must be thinner before going back.”
“I can’t leave Gwendolyn.”
“That’s martini time.”
“What if an old yoga friend attends? Someone who knew me as a Thin Yoga Girl?”
“I can’t fucking do this. I’m tired.”
But I knew that if I didn’t, then I’d never. And I’d lose the gorgeous talent that is hidden underneath of this fat.
I wrote, this morning, to a friend,
“Today, even though I am as fat as fuck, I shall return to yoga class. My schedule allows for such tonight, so I am taking advantage of it. I shall no longer hide in my basement, practicing in solitude. I shall rather force myself into a classroom setting, allowing my once thin body to be observed by others. Allowing my famous yoga form to be ridiculed for becoming that of a soft woman. Allowing my cocky attitude to be inhibited, just for a 90 minute session, so that I can get my groove back. So that I can have a (handsome) teacher. So that I can have my body again. I am driven by having people watch me, by performing, by doing fancy tricks… and if I must do so in this fat state to become thin again, then I must do so. Time has run out. Tonight, I shall be The Fat Yoga Girl.”
And I was.
What did Sonja’s article do for you?
© Nicole Marie Story Enterprises, LLC and nicoleandgwendolyn.com, 2011 – 2013.