It was a foreign craving, yet one experienced before, during the bulimic years, at this exact time of year. Finishing my gorgeous Luau Chicken Salad, I proceeded to dispose of the takeaway container into the pretty bag from The Cheesecake Factory.
What did I find, at the bag’s bottom? None other than an advertisement, one for the most gorgeous cheesecake that ever graced my lips.
“Maybe I can buy just one slice. The nuts. The cream. My head feels heavenly, imagining the taste! The crunch. The velvety warmth. But what of my rules? No dairy. No pie. I’ll need two. Maybe three. Just three pieces. I exercise enough and can only eat in odd numbers. One won’t be enough for a treat. I’ll get the one without nuts to save on calories.”
“No. That looks boring. Will I want the whole cake if I get the pecans? Why am I even thinking about this? No!!! Bad territory. Shut up, Nicole! Food is fuel. Food is not pleasure.”
So I settled on a delicious glass of wine.
Food addicts must go cold turkey from their trigger foods and remain as such forever, even two years after ending the Bulimic cycle. Addicts of all sorts must go cold turkey.
To what have you last said NO?
© Nicole Marie Story Enterprises, LLC and nicoleandgwendolyn.com, 2011, 2012.
I’ve said no to your blog. Promoting unhealthy behaviours and thoughts is not cool. I wish Gwendolyn and you the best, dear Nicole.
How is promoting rational thought and maintenance of a healthy body interpreted as unhealthy?
I see where they (and some of your other critics) are coming from. A healthy body is important, but so is a healthy mind. Constantly depriving yourself may be good for your physical health, but may harm your mental health. Everything in moderation.
If one is an alcoholic, can they have just one drink? The mental anguish that would result from consuming the cake is much greater than the pleasure received from consumption.
I said no to working out – and am going to the cheesecake factory.
Oh! For my version of the luau salad? It is divine! It shall be my dinner, too, so it’ll be like a pseudo date. Your dream come true. ;) – but you must exercise first. Wimp.
Was j/k. I don’t even think we have a cheesecake factory here. Am about to go work out now.
CCFs are a dime a dozen nowadays. You totally have one. And which protein bar did you eat? :D
Nope, no CCF here.
I ate a “Pure Protein” bar – 20 grams protein, 200 cals.
:)
I completely agree, for a while at least you just have to say no to the trigger foods. Unlike a drug addiction, we can’t go cold turkey off food in general because we need it to survive. But there have been many things that I have had to say no to since I stopped my cycle. For me it is generally cake. I fucking love cake – the sugar, the frosting, the filling, everything about cake. But I in general have to just say no. I can get away with a cupcake at times because they are portioned nicely. But I have found out recently that I still have the cake trigger. Last weekend at my niece’s birthday party I had a piece of cake (because in my Aunt brain you never say no to cake at your niece/nephew’s party) and I was sick the rest of the day from way too much sugar. I had never felt that before.
Another example is at the bridal shower a month ago when I made all the cupcakes, I went fucking nuts. In a two day period there was nothing I could do to stop eating the damn cupcakes. It all started with “I will just eat one” which became two and then three, sometimes four. Which would be followed with serious guilt and self-loathing. And since I am not at a place that I can just throw away the rest, I had to just start being insanely strong and not start at all. With sugar – once I start there is little to stop me. Even today, which is two days after the cake and one day after left over Halloween candy, my body is literally shaking because my body “needs” sugar. Apparently my new motto for sugar/candy/cake, is just say no.
I hope you are having a fabulous Monday.
xxxxx Liz
Oh! I love this comment, Liz! Have you ever read my article entitle, “Grandmother’s Cake?” If not, you must! It shall be a good reminder for your next obligatory auntie cake experience.
For me, I’m not so much inclined to binge anymore although the thought always crosses my mind of the old patterns – example, 1 piece, 3 pieces, entire cake. But what truly is something of which I thwart against is eating something so ridiculously “bad” that I will want to vomit it. I still think about vomiting all the time! But I don’t do it.
“Oh my stomach will feel so much better if I just get rid of it.” … “But no. I made a promise!” … and I never ever ever break a promise.
I’m having a marvelous Monday. Earned 2 really big contracts, and now I’m eating lunch and blogging! Mwah! x x x
I have not read that article, but I shall look for it at some point. I don’t really have the purge urges anymore, and the binge in my definition is very different than the typical “former bulimic.” For example something that I would label a binge now is only about 500-600 extra calories, rather than 2000.
So glad you are having a good Monday. It is wedding week for me, so my week is pretty crazy.
Yes yes yes. My old daily totals were over 20 grand.
“Binge” is so individual to the person.
And I know about your wedding! Have been thinking about your “deadline” since last weekend! I am happy that it’s almost over because I know how you feel!
Totally intended to link you to the article… here it is, mademoiselle!
Grandmother’s Cake.
Nicole! Hope you’re OK.
I have said no, today, to:
- Feeling like under-eating because I may have gained 0.001 inches in my waist based on how my jeans fit this morning – hurrah for strict meal plans regardless of how I feel:)
- Working out again this evening (my 75 min run from this morning will do)
- Buying one more pair of Marni shoes (it’s a temporary “no”)
- Looking at presidential polls one more time
xoxoxoxoxo
Francoise
I am so happy for your gorgeous meal plan!
I am not happy that you’ve said no to the shoes!
I am so happy that you are interested in the polls.
I am not happy that you are an Obama lover!
I love you! :D
It totally makes sense to avoid trigger foods and keep some foods out of the house if you know you have a tendency to binge. As a former bulimic myself, what I do if those cravings hit is order *one* portion of the cheesecake, ice cream, etc (or order it in a single-serving size) so that I can satisfy my craving while removing a temptation to eat even more. It’s a compromise that works for me.
Yes, I do that, too, but for trigger foods in my allowable food group category.
Example: This weekend I bought bread, PB, & jelly. I ate two sandwiches then threw away the rest of the supplies because it wasn’t worth keeping around, knowing that I might eat more later and get fat (not binge).
Example: coconut ice cream.
Example: raisins, dates, dried figs, etcetera.
Bla bla bla
It’s interesting of how far I’ve progressed in two years because it’s not really about the binge potential anymore. It’s just about deviating from my highly functional food plan and getting fat (and wanting to throw up the ‘normal’ consumption if I feel fat).
Awesome!!!!! So impressed!!
I love impressing you! :D
That is no where near recovery. It is just trading one problem (bulimia) to another. True recovery means that you can allow yourself foods in moderation without purging. At first, you may have to restrain from eating trigger foods. But, no recovered individual avoids foods forever. You are not example of recovery. It is obvious you still have underlying issues that were not resolved. Sure, you may not binge/purge,, but there are still issues and a disorder present.
Have you truly been so ignorant as to not comprehend my philosophy before posting such an asinine comment? LOL.
What I don’t understand is why you say that recovery looks unique and individual for you, and that you reject the DSM, but then you basically say that Missy has not “really” recovered and is sick because she is also recovering in a way that individually makes sense for her.
I do not say that recovery is unique for me. I do not believe in recovery. Am mobile so shall happily address these questions in a few hours upon being stationed behind a computer.
You have misunderstood my argument about Missy Miller. I do not give a hot damn about her system or anyone’s system. In fact, I do not feel bad that my friend Jessica suffers. She chooses to suffer from BED. If Missy Miller pleases to never have a well nourished body by clinging to her anorexic ways, that is her choice. If Missy Miller wants to sing about loving her elbow, and if that makes her feel good; then that is her choice. Good for her. But Missy Miller wraps up her fucked up world into a pretty little package, making it seem attractive to woe-is-me anorexics. That is fine, too. But I shall voice my opinion on it because it is disgusting to me. Is it against the law to voice my opinion about someone who writes an anorexic blog?
Alice summed up my thoughts on Missy Miller’s blog oh-so-perfectly.
“I don’t have much to say about Greta or Fiona’s blogs, but Missy’s blog is really troubling. I don’t read it often, but every time I casually click over to it, I feel like I am reading something so sick and twisted. Maybe this isn’t the place to vent about this but I have to get it off my chest. I mean, how can someone write about refeeding and this journey toward health when, just days earlier, writes about eating peanut butter by the 1/2 tablespoon? Anyone who has gone through recovery and is genuinely committed to health knows that eating PB like that is a “behavior” and one that would never be tolerated in an in-patient program. I echo what Francois said a few posts up about commitment to recovery. I think Missy’s blog is dangerous and destructive to anyone who really is trying to recover because it is awash in half-hearted, false starts, dipping one toe in the waters of recovery without the true and genuine commitment.
Anyone who has truly stopped eating disordered behaviors knows how hard it is — they know about the withdrawals, the anger, the pain of giving up comfortable coping mechanisms. Not to belittle what Missy has gone through in regards to recovery, but her blog doesn’t paint the full picture and is probably misleading to anyone really going through it 100 percent.
I think people who have had an ED and worked through it can spot the bullshit in others, which is probably why you zero in on these other bloggers — you can see their lies and blog deceptions.”
Thanks for your inquiry, Jessica.
I comprehend your philosphy. I just think it is ridiculous that you can write on and on and be proud of not being bulimic anymore when you clearly have issues. Oh, I won’t eat that, but I will go drink. Clear picture of health. Keep it up. Ignorant, I am not.
I have issues because I can say no to cake? Well fuck. Does the DSM list “cake hater” as some kind of diseased person? lol. And I’ve always enjoyed my spirits, so what has been traded? What’s the biggie, smalls? (Or are you NOT small?) ;)
Why not just have ONE piece of cake? If you don’t binge anymore then why not allow yourself to enjoy something? You have Gwendolyn, she saved you (still waiting for part II of that, btw).
So if you have Gwendolyn and you are a perfectionist and have vowed not to binge again then why not just have a piece of damn dessert?
Order a slice, eat it, enjoy it, keep it in. You can do it – you are not weak and have it under control, non?
I feel like I’m missing something in your explanations.
Because I don’t want it.
Because it’s not healthy.
It is not fuel.
And it contains dairy which I do not eat.
So while it’s “the most gorgeous cheesecake that ever graced my lips”
You don’t want it? You aren’t tempted?
You eat a lot of vegan stuff that’s neither healthy nor fueling.
You eating frozen vegan chicken in your car is not healthy, either.
Your alcohol is not healthy nor fuel, yet you consume it anyways. Why not do the same for a nice dessert that you enjoy? “for the most gorgeous cheesecake that ever graced my lips”
Your iceberg lettuce “buns” and fake meat are not healthy nor fueling.
Your entire sugar-free catsup consumption is not healthy nor fueling.
Your vegan cheese is neither healthy nor fueling.
My point is, you eat a lot of weird stuff that’s not healthy nor fueling. If it’s not dairy then fine, but don’t act like what you consume is in any way, shape or form healthy and fueling. Some of it is though!
It’s just weird how some things are okay, others are not, when you use the excuse that it’s not “healthy..fueling…not dairy”
I’m just trying to understand. Most of what you eat is crap anyways. Help me understand where you draw the line.
I eat what I want.
And I do not want cake.
Everybody does this though — eating disorder or not. Everybody has certain foods they like and other foods they shun. What is the big deal or so unusual about that?
Precisely!
This exact thought shuffled through my mind earlier today, but I forgot to articulate it to commenters!
But Alice, didn’t you know? It’s taboo for a former bulimic to eliminate food groups because a truly healthy person should be able to eat anything.
Pretty girl wink wink.
I want to add to this!
A reader just emailed me offline, commenting on this article.
This person said, “Without the power of choice and discrimination between things and options we would not be human. We would just be cows munching through pastures of food all the time.”
Bahahaha!
Reminds me of a scene from A League of Their Own.
“Hey cowgirls, see the grass? Don’t eat it.”
I say that to Gwendolyn all the time, jokingly, of course, because she is NOT a cowgirl. :)
I wanted to reply to Alice’s comment because I completely agree. I don’t have an ED, but I don’t buy cake, cookies, cupcakes, chips, etc. because my husband and I will eat the hell out of them if they are in the house, and we don’t want to. They aren’t healthy, and if they are in the house, we will be tempted. During the holiday seasons, we know we will have a slice of pie or cake at family functions, and we allow that. But just like alcohol for alcoholics, if Nicole is triggered by a food(s), then she wants to avoid them. God, this has been said here so many times, I don’t understand why you naysayers cannot comprehend this??
Your ‘no bad food in the house’ policy is exactly why you radiate with prettiness.
Everything about your aesthetics says that you are glowing from the inside out.
1. Do you EVER just accepts someone’s words without argument? (yes, when you agree with them, I guess.)
2. I have worked in the restaurant industry for years. I’m about to tell you something you’ve likely heard, but I am confirming it: Your insane “special orders” you get? (from CCF and the like) The kitchen hates them. HATE isn’t even a big enough word. They are the JOKE du JOUR, the moment they all look forward to, and something that rocks the whole line to pieces. Involve 2-4 stations like you do (grill, prep, salad, etc) and you have managed to piss of not only the entire line, but the Expeditor as well. Do you know what they do to your order, Nicole? They wipe your veggies inside their pants, to coat them with “fumunda-cheese” they oops! let things fall onto very dirty floors, for longer than the 5 second rule, and likely include not only spit but other bodily fluids. You will NEVER know. And you can NEVER prove they did it. Complain to the Manager, you say? They will only take your gripe and go ROTFLTAO right along side those you pissed off.
You might want to tame down the special requests to that of a more “un-disordered” eater.
You’re welcome.
Tame down the special requests and order something that I don’t want so that the help doesn’t hate me?
Agree just for the sake of it?
LOL, you are a weirdo.
Btw, I worked at Wendy’s Old Fashioned Hamburgers for two years in high school (as an anorexic and bulimic), and I know exactly what jealous bitches do to the skinny girls with special requests… because I was one of those jealous bitches.
Sometimes one must pick and choose their battles, but I shall tell you that I am fully aware of the practices at the CCF because I formerly designed video surveillance for their operations; and they wouldn’t dare fuck up like you speak because they are susceptible to a central station zeroing into their activities at any given time.
You are a big ball of fucking fire! I’d ask if you are fat, but I don’t do that anymore.
So why the bone with me?
And why do you read if you dislike my ability to stand up for my beliefs?
Hit a little too close to home?
What hit? Ignorance?
I completely agree that special orders should never be a problem in a real restaurant. Restaurant chains are more problematic as they really aren’t set-up to accommodate anything off-menu. Regardless, if they say they can accommodate, then they should behave in the appropriate manner and treat the order – and the person ordering – with respect.
However, you lose your argument the moment you start to get nasty “…and I know exactly what jealous bitches do to the skinny girls with special requests… because I was one of those jealous bitches.”
I don’t know why you do it, but the moment anyone disagrees with you, the insults and nasty assumptions start flying. You are actually in the right here and somehow, you lost me anyways.
I lose my argument with whom?
I am “small” but healthy. During recovery I learned the process of accepting new foods and allowing myself foods that normal, healthy people eat. I agree. You are very harsh on any critique you get. What is up with that? You said above that you do not ask if someone is fat? But you said something to be about not being”small” hmmmmm. Yes, I am small. But to me, this seems like the same thing, just twisting the words.
I am not harsh.
I am rational. If I disagree, I shall articulate my opinion without emotion.
Thanks for the data on your body. I really wanted to know.
Good non-answer, Nicole.
It shall surely help those of us that are suffering from our own desires ;-)
Eat frozen fake-chicken in your car!! It’s fine! You want it!
Eat a single piece of cake or pie in moderation, at home, with a fork and knife, over time, is not necessary, you don’t want it! Even if it’s “the most gorgeous cheesecake that ever graced my lips”
How is this different from eating like a ravenous dog in your car for something that’s not even good?
Yes, your perfectionism and lack of weakness is strong, indeed!
I do not eat like a ravenous dog in my automobile.
I defrost the frozen chicken against the automobile heater; and I proceed to savour it, bite for bite. Nom nom nom. Already am looking forward to tomorrow’s lunch of plant based chicken in my automobile. ;)
I am so busy that I have no time but to eat in my automobile.
And I am so busy that I have no time for vous.
Mwah! ;)
Emily, I don’t usually comment here, but this is just hateful.
Thank you, Nancy. I appreciate your comment.
I agree with Nancy, what is the big deal that someone doesn’t eat everything you can find in the grocery store and who cares if we have special orders. We go out to pay and have a nice dinner, isn’t it our right to get food that we want to eat.
I seriously don’t know how deciding not to eat Cheesecake because it goes against Nicole’s eating guidelines is a cause for suck negativity. She decided not to eat the fucking cheesecake…good for her for not giving into temptation. Who are we to judge what other people eat. No one in life is free of food guidelines or just general foods that they like or dislike. Recovering/Managing ED’s doesn’t mean we don’t get to have foods that we stay away from. We can have foods that we don’t like and still be managing our eating issues successfully.
Whatever I’ve done to deserve your defense, I am 100% grateful.
I could not have better executed a more effective, much necessary, bitch slap than you’ve just done.
You would make a fabulous ED therapist.
Fabulous.
Thank you. <3
I am still trying to find my “calling” in the counseling world, but ED is definitely one of my top three areas.
And I had to say something, it has been bugging me all day. :)
Special orders may frustrate or annoy a line (especially during busy peak hours), however only someone who lacks decency or class would tamper with a person’s food with such a malice. My husband is a chef. He complains from time to time, but then he understands some people are vegans, some people have severe food allergies, etc. He would NEVER do what you describe and nor would any of his line cooks. To generalize about the habits of a kitchen as you do is both grossly overstated and factually incorrect. It also makes me want to know where you have worked so that I never ever step foot in them as I know that restaurants w/ workers w/ integrity would NOT participate in such behavior.
Thank you for this high quality comment.
The original claim came from Brenda Walsh’s hometown (not 90210).
Where’s Maxwell Smart when we need him?
Thank god I’m from San Francisco. :)
Love!!! I think California will be so much fun to visit, as a vegan, animal-loving adult. I just need to get Gwendolyn classified as an “emotional support dog” so that I can bring her on the plane. Know a psycho doctor who will do this for me? :)
I’ve never worked in a restaurant/food industry, but decent restaurants are prepared for special orders. Some people have food allergies and request certain things be taken off of a plate. I don’t doubt Emily’s story, but I’m sure she worked at TGI Fridays, or Ruby Tuesdays or some other 1/2 step above McDonalds. Slack immature young workers who make $5/hour who have to spend an “Oh my God, 2 extra minutes” would totally spit in someone’s food. P.F.C. or an upscale restaurant can be more selective in the staff they hire.
LOL! This made me giggle so hard.
You are such a snob, Cassy. ;)
I think Emily works at a socialist restaurant.
“What, a special order? It’s going to take an extra 2 minutes! Fuck this! The government is tryin’ to hold us down!”
LOL!!!!!
I think you need to do another YouTube funny show, one about socialists and ED girls.
You make me laugh so hard!
I’m sorry Emily, but as a 28 year vegetarian and 2 year vegan, I have to say that any restaurant that behaves that way is in the wrong, not the person asking for something different. If they can’t accommodate a request then they should simply say they can’t and that’s fine. Once you’ve agreed, you should treat the order – and the person ordering – with the respect and care that’s deserved. Karma is a bitch.
Just listened to a vegan girl podcast which addresses exactly the factor of special requests for vegans, which of course can apply to anyone with food allergies. Do you listen to “Vegetarian Food For Thought?” She’s a tad annoying to me because she is Type A and reminds me much of myself, but she does say good things. She is vegan, so don’t allow the “vegetarian” to fool you.
How are you voting today, Nicole? How do you feel about Sarah Jessica Parker and Lauren Bacall being staunch liberals? Would they like you if they met you? Do you just feel a kinship to Paul Ryan because of his glamour shots or his affinity for Ayn Rand? Or maybe his resemblance to Freddy Munster? Or you vote for the GOP because of Ann Coulter (super thin = vogue)? Tell us!
Stay tuned for my next blog article.
How am I voting today?
What did you make of my article, the one endorsing Mitt Romney?
And the one where I claimed to be a Paul Ryan Girl?
Sarah Jessica Parker and Lauren Bacall being staunch liberals is very interesting to me. I wonder of how two women of such class can support such a trashy first lady with regard to fashion, first off. Second off, I feel happy that they are passionate about how the country functions. I don’t idolise SJP and Lauren Bacall because of their political affiliation. I’m a fan of their work and their fashion.
Would they like me if they met me, you question? How would I know? I am certain that Lauren Bacall and I would drink martinis together, swear like classy sailors, and talk about our dogs!
I liked Paul Ryan before the Ayn Rand controversial affinity became known because any fan of Ayn Rand would have interpreted that swing in his philosophy to start with.
I don’t love Ann Coulter’s body. It’s too sinewy for me. And although I registered as Republican in Y2K (and voted Democrat), I no longer affiliate with any political party and must change my affiliation to Independent. How do I do that?!
The First Lady needs to be a lady. Not fashionably loud.
People love to hate you.
I didn’t eat a single piece of candy this past Halloween? Why? I would rather use the calories for something else. I would rather have wine or cheese or hummus dip. I may count WW points or carbs or calories. Most of us count something (those of us that are happy not counting anything, congratulations. Now go away. You have obviously achieved that happy state of nirvana. I haven’t. )
Nicole, you speak your mind and you don’t buckle under the hateful comments. No matter the subject your opinion stays the same and for that alone, I want to applaude you.
If we lived in the same area I would not think twice about trusting you with my dog.
Awakening to this comment prompted my heart to be filled with warmth!
It would be an honour and privilege to care for your dog, Vera.
Thank you for reading and for offering this real information.
Nirvana, indeed!
Ohmmm:)
Oh, and if you hate ‘special orders’, find a new job. Most of people that special order tip very well (me being one of then due to allergies) and yes, when i call in an order, I compensate a person for their effort. And I tip well and above the norm when I dine in because I know what it feels like to be on the other side. Try working catering for several years.
Ditto this.
Do you also tip for takeout orders? If so, may I ask at what percentage?
I am divided on this and often tip $1 if I fetch the food inside, $2 if I choose curb side (if Gwendolyn or other dogs are in the automobile!).
This is not anywhere near 20%+, and I feel guilty each time I do that. But I rationalise that when seated, the wait staff is constantly tending to things, in addition to order taking and delivering. And they only earn 20%+. But I have a much better relationship with the takeout girls because they are the ones with whom I speak everyday. They are the ones who work with me. But because I order out nearly every night, that can become pricey! Do I just accept the price of higher tips because of my picky palate? Or as a venture capitalist, do I manage this tightly?
What is your recommendation for this?
I don’t think that an all/nothing mentality is a failing on anyone’s part – there are plenty of people who say ‘oh, I CAN’T have x food in my house or I’ll binge on it.’ Excluding food triggers is one way of managing not only a severe eating disorder but also habitual overeating in a less extreme context. And deprivation is a state of mind: I personally know that there is no amount of food that will make me feel satisfied – whether I ate 1000 calories in a day or 10000, I will always feel deprived because food plays a really warped role in my life. I couldn’t handle eating cheesecake either (well, I don’t like it anyway, but there are plenty of equivalent foods for me). The last thing I said NO to was peanut buter, in my post of the same name, and I haven’t had any since. Raisins were next on my list because I started eating them again, but not sensibly (not bingeing on them, but still multiple servings in a day was not good for my blood sugar levels).
If something may trigger a binge, then it just isn’t worth the potential suffering – I don’t think everyone understands that these foods aren’t even enjoyable when they’re eaten in a state of high anxiety or due to a compulsion to consume them.
xxx
I tip a couple of dollars when I do take out. However, I don’t do it very often so I never had to consider how tipping may affect my budget. There are only two places that I order to go from and one of the guys that takes my order has been such a nice person and has gotten to know me and my habits so well that I even do “Christmas Bonus Tip” with a thank you card for him.
I appreciate this reply very much!
I also do Christmas bonuses with cards. :D
I so much love that you cited two situations as related to Bingeing: 1.) A state of high anxiety and 2.) A compulsion to consume them. Did you think of my exact situation when you wrote that? Or do you also have a “compulsion” in addition to your “anxiety?”
I am definitely the latter of the two. I am compulsive.
I know that during my ‘Murder’ article I cited being anxious as binge rationale. But I do not think that was truly the case because even though my family pissed me the fuck off on my 30th birthday, I walked away with rationality. I always do. I do not argue with them anymore (like I did as a child/teenager/bulimic). It’s after the fact, when I am alone with my wine, that I want a hug (until Im hungry for dinner at 1am and I want everyone to get the fuck out, except for Gwendolyn of course, haha). Food is my hug (because Gwendolyn is busy eating hers, LOL)… and because it tastes deliciously. As I most recently articulated to you in a confidential email, rationality has become my best friend. No more eruptions of volcanic lava, no more emotional investment. But for my 30th Birthday Murder? I firmly believe that my issue existed such that food is comforting to me, and I love to eat lots of it. So that is what set me off on that day, I am certain. Not “anxiety” because I always have that “I am better than thou” attitude when faced with nastiness so I do not feel anxious. I simply feel superior. But feeling superior isn’t 100% grand. Everyone wants pleasure.
Food was formerly my pleasure, but I’ve needed to train my brain to think otherwise.
So I ask, what is YOUR pleasure?
Have you read the book, “A Million Little Pieces”? It’s about an alcoholic. He quits cold turkey too. Your post reminded me of that book.
P.S. The cheesecakes looks fucking delicious!
I have not read the book, but I think that I shall!
My grandfather quit smoking in 1984. Cold turkey.
Bullheadedness runs in my family.
Gwendolyn is prime example. :)
My grandfather quit smoking cold turkey too! My dad, unfortunately, still has problems giving it up, despite smoking causing him some health problems.
‘Gwendolyn is prime example. :)’ – LOL!
Btw, I read through a few of the comments on this post and oh my, people are really sensitive about the fact that YOU don’t eat cheesecake :P
I’d say, “all the more cheesecake for me then”, but you know, even as a non-ED girl, there are LOTS of things I don’t eat that I feel tempted to. It’s not a lifelong ban, I eat on and off. But there have been so many times that I’ve denied myself my cravings with the rationale that if I give in, I’ll always keep giving in. I’ll make a habit out of it. I’ll pump my body full of junk food and then I’ll feel sick. It’s completely normal. It’s Healthy to not give in to your urges all the time, it’s the mark of a rational being, that you can choose what is good for you and what is not.
I don’t eat cheesecake anymore and I don’t consider myself dysfunctional or unhealthy. I have given up quite a few foods cold-turkey since rejecting obesity in lieu of a healthy, active lifestyle. I don’t consider that restricting myself or depriving myself. If one’s happiness is solely tied to consuming junk food, I consider that to be a bit unhealthy IMO. It is a bit funny to me though, that people will sometimes ask me “So you don’t eat such and such food anymore at all? WHY?!” I used to be very much like that though; I couldn’t fathom someone picking a salad over a cheeseburger for example.
You didn’t know it’s illegal for a former bulimic to refuse cake? :D
Love your testimony always because it’s a totally different perspective, but about the same exact subject matter.
I’ve had to say no to the Halloween candy that still sits on my dining room. Chocolate and peanut butter goodies that are FULL of shit and NOT vegan, but are so damn tempting. I have continued to resist! This cake looks amazing, I’m with you..MUST not have even one bite, or the entire cake would be gone!
The Reese’s Peanut Butter Trees have now flowered grocery stores everywhere!
They make me think of you! :D
…except for those physically dependent on alcohol, who can die if they go cold turkey.
I had no idea that one could die without alcohol.
Are you speaking from a physical, biological perspective?
Or are you just thinking from the withdrawal perspective?
If the latter, it’s just weakness.
It is both biological and withdrawal. Withdrawal isn’t just urges and cravings. You body becomes dependent on the alcohol. It can actually be almost as dangerous to quit alcohol cold turkey as it is for harder drugs like heroin and cocaine.
That, my dear, I am very freaking happy to not know about due to experience. With my alcohol, although j’adore it, I can go without it. I’d rather not (except for when I’m trying to drop a few, haha), but I am not dependent upon it. I’d love to find a few blogs on real management of alcoholism. Thank you for this information!
Oh yeah, you definitely don’t fit into the dependent on alcohol category…..no matter what the other haters say.
I mostly just roll my eyes at them.
I try not to roll my eyes although I did at Greta’s blog recently (I must admit this because I mentioned it in the Missy Miller article). But I have a fear of my eyes staying in the rolled position! Haha! Heart you! <3
Alcohol withdrawal is actually the most physically dangerous withdrawal, FYI. neither it nor cocaine pose the dangers of withdrawal that alcohol do. They are more likely to kill you via overdose. Alcohol is the only one that leads to seizures, psychosis, and death.
Just meant to clarify because of the comment about “addicts.” No hating implied or intended.
WOW.
This is absolutely news to me.
That is very sad. Very sad.
I wonder if prohibition was created because of this?
Pardon my ignorance regarding this subject matter. I just find this information to be very interesting. Thank you for sharing.
No hating taken. I wasn’t sure which had worse statistics, but I knew that it was super dangerous once dependency happens. I tried to keep it a little vague because I knew I didn’t know exact information. :)
I just don’t understand why there is so much negativity and controversy about not eating the cake? I mean, an normal human being needs to have self control around food and eat responsibly. I lack self-control around sweets (as do many other people in this world- or salty, whatever pick your poison), so it’s just part of life! There is that moment when you see a delicious piece of cake and say- omg I want that, but then your will power kicks in. Sure, eat it here and there if you really want, but if not good for you and it’s a good thing. I don’t understand why people attack you so hard on YOUR decisions- just blows my mind, Nicole!
I think they attack me because they want to find fault in my system because they are failing at their own. This is precisely of why I stayed away from the internet during the bulimic years because I would have been just as snarky. Yay for yoga girls and no cake! :D
Back again. Remember when I said my philosophy comes with the “caveat emptor” stamp? Well, I’ll just go on the record and say I do what you do here. I don’t see any reason to incorporate cheesecake into my diet, or birthday cake, or ice cream cones, or any of that. Because I’d rather have wine. I don’t see anything wrong with that. As a restricting eater who tends toward anorexia far more than bulimia (although I’ve been both), I would never binge on cheesecake. I’d just simply eat a piece and spend the rest of the day sweating over it and skipping my next few meals to make up for it. Not worth it. Healthy? I dunno. We’re all fucked up in some way or another, aren’t we? And for the record, I hate when people say “don’t deprive yourself.” Deprive? Ethiopians are deprived. Skipping dessert is not “deprivation” for corn’s sake. Wake up, fat America. OK rant over ;)