I hereby go cold turkey, in the name of health and well being.
I go cold turkey from allowing the reactions of others, as it pertains to my body, to affect my thoughts, my actions, and therefore my quality of life. I go cold turkey from avoiding the Yoga Housewives like the plague, just because they no longer comment upon my “thin” body and question of what I’ve “been doing to look so good.” I go cold turkey from allowing the looks, the glances, the commentary of any human being but myself to make me feel inadequate.
Exactly two years, four months, and six days ago, I ceased an 11-year relationship with Bulimia Nervosa. Declaring Independence from Great Bulimia, I went cold turkey, turning off, like a switch, the bad behaviours of bingeing and purging, destining a formerly vibrant room, one of calories, vomit, and laxatives, for eternal darkness. This led to the highest quality of life that I’ve known to date.
Today, my “caring-what-others-think-about-my-body” switch, deactivated, has lent itself to a world of lightness. ‘Tis a life that I intend to live passionately, infused with my Type A perfectionist personality, for every single breathing moment of my remaining years. Rather than using my perfectionism against me, I hereby vow to use my perfectionism for me.
Dinners, although featuring Daiya Vegan Shreds, have been more whole, inspired by “Not Bored Now” who commented, “…I ask this not to be nasty, how many of your meals are turning out to be bars like Nugo bars? Please please consider getting rid of those. 200 calories of bar will not fill you up the same way that 200 calories of beans, rice and kale will. I say these things knowing what it’s like to feel hungry.”
Other Gorgeous Comments at ‘Fat and Food‘
By BBFF – “You are the queen of figuring it out, and you will. You are also the queen of being successful, and you will be. I’m with you, though. I feel like my brain is a broken record and it get’s really old sometimes.”
By Bianca – “You’re a businesswoman. You’re a writer. You’re exceptionally beautiful. You are a devoted furmother. You have a LIFE that exists outside of the shell that you hate. I am one hundred and fifteen percent certain that I could never convince you that you’re as beautiful as the world thinks you are, and I won’t try to do that. But I do think that you shouldn’t trouble yourself with things that are ultimately of no consequence other than fleeting personal affirmation.”
By Anna Banana – “I’m not going to tell you that you aren’t fat because it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. It only matters what you think. You did something really amazing-you stopped purging. And you did it all on your own. And you can do this. Stop whining and do the work. You know what you have to do. Do it.”
By Deanna - ”Long time reader, but I have never commented until now. I have never suffered from an ED, but I do suffer from negative body image. What you described is the way that I feel every day. I push my body to the limits, doing personal training and bootcamp 6 to 7 days a week. I dabble in yoga and running as well. I have tried all the diets, weight watchers, atkins, etc., and even at my lowest weight I still hated myself. I am at an average weight for someone who is 30 years old and 5’2″, but it will never be good enough. It is those rare moments that I do like myself that keep me going. You are a strong and determined woman, and you can accomplish any goal you set your mind to. Head up.”
By Maria – “…My dad used to call me ‘bubble-butt’ growing up–not all the time, but just once is enough with a comment like that. Never enormous, but always of the sturdy type. I started weight-lifting a year ago and the weight that matters now is on the end of my barbell, generally speaking. I made some diet changes, but I have to eat to lift what I want. Anyway, like I mentioned before, I went from a size 8 to a 4 doing all this. I thought I would be estatic at a 4, but I’m not? But today I noticed my jeans were a little looser and walking by a window I caught my reflection and screamed ‘YES!’ on the inside cuz I’m looking fantastic at what I’m estimating is a size 3.5. And it’s stupid because it is and I’m angry at myself for caring about such a dumb thing.”
By Françoise – “…I strongly believe that the inner beauty we start seeing spiritually will allow us to start seeing beauty in our experience, including in ourselves. It does not mean being fat but pretending we’re not and pretending to love our reflection. What a hypocrisy! No, it means that as we start seeing beauty as something that is part of our being, our experience literally changes, and yes, our bodies even start conforming to our individual idea of beauty…”
By Liz of MyCrazyLife – “I am right there with you on the quest for personal perfection… You don’t need to see a nutritionist because at this point there is no information that they could tell you that you don’t already know. Same with any other ‘professional’ help that people mistakenly think you need. Sometimes you just need a pretty dress, fabulous heels, and a martini to brighten your day.”
I have implemented Liz’s counsel:
Gwendolyn continued to do her own thing, unbothered by any of this.
In the next two months, I am adding a division to my business, I am moving, and I am growing my blog. There are much bigger fish to fry than impressing the yoga housewives. And, I shall, indeed, fry that fucking fish, compassionately, as a vegan.
To what extreme do you care of how others interpret your appearance?
© Nicole Marie Story Enterprises, LLC and nicoleandgwendolyn.com, 2011, 2012.