if you’ve ever taken dieting to the extreme, you know what i mean about requesting “black coffee” or “skinny lattes.” well, deeply rooted anorexics turned bulimics, like me, take it to an entirely different level.
if you’ve ever intently watched the barista’s every move, as he or she pours the milk, asking to view the physical milk container after he or she pours, just to be sure that it’s fat free and not two percent; if you’ve ever asked for the mixing container to be washed in hot water before your sugar-free iced tea is shook with ice to ensure that sugar from the prior mixed drink doesn’t exist in the container; if you’ve ever received your beverage, viewed the writing on the cup to confirm that your order reflected exactly the calorie free / minimal calorie drink that you ordered, yet you still proceed to ask the drink maker, “this is skinny, right?” and then proceed to confirm of what the drink maker’s definition of “skinny” is because he or she might think, although trained by the coffee company, that skinny means two percent; and if you’ve ever tossed your drink into the trash anyway because you’re still not confirmed that it’s perfect, then you’ll understand my frustration of today.
i bought a keurig for a reason . . . to avoid this drama, and to save bucks. but every so often, i’ll order something other than a pre-packaged KIND bar from a coffee shop. today i let down my guard.
“hi, i’ll have a tall iced BLACK coffee.” i stressed BLACK. the drive-thru girl repeated my order. rarely do they repeat BLACK, so i was quite comforted. i thought, “they’ll do it right!” driving to the window, i happily sang my favourite song of the week, “angry johnny” by poe. gwendolyn cocked her head to my off-tune performance.
i received the drink, drove away, sipped the beverage, and my jaw dropped. my heart skipped a beat.
i tasted sugar.
“what the f*ck!” i screamed. jamming on my gas pedal, driving in reverse, i returned to the window.
me: “excuse me, but i tasted SUGAR in my beverage.”
barista: “yes, it’s an iced coffee.”
me: “i’m sorry, i don’t understand your response.”
she repeated the original response.
me: “if a person orders a BLACK iced coffee, then what does that mean?”
barista: “it means without cream.”
me: “is sugar black?”
barista: “no, it’s white.”
me: “then how does this drink reflect my order of BLACK?”
barista: “well, it’s just syrup.”
at this point, i’m freaking out in my head. *i drank syrup?! it’s not even pure cane sugar?! i need to vomit. oh my god. no, wait, i don’t do that anymore.*
i demanded that the barista show me the syrup bottle, to enable my analysis of the nutritional content. she read it to me. at this point, i demanded to see the manager, suggesting that she counsel her employee on the definition of BLACK. i requested the information for starbucks corporate, although i very well could have found this information online. by asking for the information, i presented the baristas with fear that i would report them.
i wasn’t going to allow them to have a nice night after allowing me to sip probably the equivalent of three millileters of coffee adorned with sugary syrup. check your measuring cups. 3 ml is nothing. but it is to someone like me.
but then i got over it.
i’ll definitely buy an extra KIND bar for breakfast tomorrow, because after tonight’s episode, i need a few shots of kind.
© nicole marie story and nicoleandgwendolyn.com, 2011.
Hard sometimes to change our old ways. :)
And that is probably one of the things I remember my mom saying the most. Before we would leave the house, she would always say, “be kind!”. :)
how did i just see this comment? it’s the most important comment on this comment sequence, and i apologise for the delayed reaction! i can SO see your mom saying that. she was the best girl scout troop leader on the planet. i am so lucky to have known her kind self, and i shall think of her during every future purchase of a KIND bar. :)
Our internal habits (how we treat the various sides of ourselves) are often seen in our external habits (how we treat others). This is a good reason (albeit selfish) to practice kindness to others — it slowly rubs off on how we treat ourselves.
When someone attacks, I try to remember that this is how they treat themselves all day long. Remembering this , it is sometimes easier for me to forgive them.
Your post makes you wonder about the stories they are telling about you at that coffee shop. ;-)
I wish they could see your confessions here; I am sure they’d say, “ouch! OK she is much rougher on herself than she was on us. we should be kind and forgive her.”
I would have gotten “Black” wrong too, perhaps. But I am often forgetful, robotic and not very aware. I have the selfish hope that people forgive me a bit more than I forgive others.
Nicole,
I am humbled by (your friend) Sabio’s response to your latest post. Andy and I checked it out when I came home from Starbucks because I was planning to follow up with a few thoughts about our chat this morning. Instead, we gladly yield the stage to Sabio, whose melodic Spanish name translates to “wise.” Enough said. :)
Pam
pam, it is amazing that through one blog comment, sabio has succeeded with extending an aura of peace around my heart and soul. it seems that he has affected you in the same manner. i hope that others read his commentary. i am unsure of his real identity, but i am certain of his widsom. yes, enough said. :)
dear sabio lantz,
your comment has extended an aura of peace around my heart and soul. you have helped to calm my bulimic spirit, just a little bit more. i grow each day. thank you for this beautiful insight. i shall certainly think of it, every day.
sincerely, nicole
ps: your identity is puzzling, and i shall think of you as the starbucks batman. :)
Sabio,
What’s really interesting to me about this is how the issue doesn’t just stop when she leaves the scene. How the employees will later talk about her is a form of deciding how to treat her in her absence, but then it is a question of their internal habits tempering how they treat the memory of her as something external. And of course these habits would condition future interactions, like your example of them reading this post and how that would alter their judgments; how they might comment, etc. And it looks like that has happened. (see below)
With these interactions it is like we’re all internally and externally tied together by many invisible wires, and the boundaries between the internal parts of ourselves and the people we interact with are not nearly as distinct as we assume when we think of ourselves as single bodies interacting with other single bodies.
So what’s really interesting is the “but then I got over it” part of this post. (my emphasis).
-Edmund
yes, indeed, i got over it. thank you for defending the purpose of my text. i am happy that you understood it, sir edmund. :)
You are a crazy person who needs to realize people are only trying to do their job correctly. Get. A. Life. And stop going to Starbucks. I’m sure they would rather lose the 2 dollar customer that you are than have to endure another meeting with you.
Haha…are you perfect? I think it takes a lot of guts to admit publicly that you were a total bitch to someone and regretted it afterward. We are all learning and growing.
thank you, vlmd! your comments always brighten my days! i just received commentary from the starbucks girl of subject, and i responded accordingly. you may wish to check that out! i hope that you’re having a good day in florida! :) xo
dear mocha mary,
i have just submitted a comprehensive response to a rather articulate comment rendered by the girl who i treated poorly during yesterday’s episode. please refer to my response on that comment thread, as it will satisfy a response to your comment as well.
peacefully,
nicole
As the starbucks girl you “freaked” out on, I really am disappointed about yesterday. Not only did I do nothing wrong (I was not even the one to take or even hear your order), but I sincerely was concerned of what you dramatically portrayed as danger to your health.
Please don’t think I don’t understand where your feelings of no additives or extra unnecessary calories are coming from, because I do. However, you failed to mention in our skewed quoted conversation that you said you would have died 3 times. If that was not the legitimate issue, then please treat people providing a service to you with a little more respect. It is exceptionally dishonorable to make me feel false concern with your “it could have killed me” spiel. No one meant for you to get what you didn’t ask for; it was an honest human error that sometimes happens with any communication that isn’t face to face.
You did not present myself or any other baristas with fear, nor did you ruin our night in any way. We just wanted your drink to be right and for you to be unharmed physically. There are lots of diabetics and people sensitive to specific allergies, or even caffeine, that we serve very carefully. I even agreed that I think iced coffee and iced tea should not come sweetened in the default recipe…but I don’t make those rules. Sometimes the customers that have to be very cautious will specifically let us know what to do, or what not to do. I’m not saying its your fault for not ordering that way, because usually black coffee means no sweetener, but if it really means this much to you I would suggest maybe to start.
I’m sorry about your obviously distressing starbucks visit, I hope that this doesn’t cause you to keep your guard up forever. I would suggest going inside and just specifically asking for unsweetened ice coffee with no cream if there is a next time. I’m once again sorry for what happened to you yesterday, but please realize it was not intentional.
casey,
thank you for this beautiful response. the purpose of this blog is to raise awareness about eating disorders and love for dogs. this particular blog entry specifically addresses the eating disorder factor of my blog’s intent. for the next few weeks, i am running a theme on “fears,” coffee shop drink orders being one of those fears. yesterday’s situation provided the perfect picture for painting to my readers.
during our interaction, i turned into a monster. for 11 years, i hid this monster from those closest to me, and i lived a very unhealthy physical and mental life, as a result. i am now capturing those moments of when the monster is released, and i am relaying that information, with intentions to prevent people from developing eating disorders like mine. this blog entry and therefore my interaction with you is shocking to my peers, because most recognise me as the sweet girl who says please and thank you.
in no manner whatsoever did this blog attempt to criticise you. i greatly apologise if you interpreted it as such. in fact, it was my fullest intention to swing by the drive thru this evening to provide an “i’m sorry for being a monster” card to you. the monster is something that i’m fighting to kill completely, and i’m grateful that you sent this message because it provides me with the opportunity to save on gas money. :)
furthermore, i have never been able to capture a written missive from anyone on the opposing side to my monster. this is a direction that i completely did not expect for my blog to experience, because i didn’t think that anyone would publicly offer their comments. but you did, and now i have the chance to build upon your comments, through a future blog entry. thank you for this opportunity to better myself and other bulimics.
i will forever hold true that black means black, without sugar or cream; but i shall make certain to triple check with future orders. i will be more patient. i also hold true that my depiction of the story is completely accurate, although i failed to mention the “dying” factor. i simply forgot to mention it, but i have cited that “dying” factor many times to restaurant severs, baristas, etcetera etcetera etcetera. that’s a common characteristic of anorexics and bulimics – “blame it on diabetes,” sad as that may be.
please inform your colleagues of my comments. know that i greatly respect what you do, and i am hopeful to redeem my terrible behaviour through future orders at your first class establishment.
respectfully, nicole
Nicole, even though those close to you understand well that you can express drama in getting your feelings and points across, I am taken back from excuses from those speaking as employees of a globally recognized organization such as Starbucks. Giving excuses face to face, whether an honest mistake or not, is one thing, but providing them in printed form especially when posted to the internet and the way some were delivered is worse and they should check their corporate policies manual. Every team member of every service entitiy deserves respect and gratitute for their efforts, but when a paying customer does not get what they ask for when team members are not paying attention to details, management needs to correct and move forward. As far as Starbucks not needing your $2.00, it is evident the believed employee does not see the larger corporate picture and that may be why they are not management. That $2.00 drink likely costs $.30 to .50 with the isulated cup. You may not currently be a continuous repeat customer for coffee, but the margin they make on your reported “kind” bar, along with your your other purchases and those of friends and business associates which you meet up with during your week, is what pays their wage, the rent, the utilities, and money in the coffers of the corporate brand chain. Even providing excuses for sugar or syrup being present in Iced Black Coffee appears to represent lack of proper training, customer focus, and concerns for liability exposure. Even when you get to McDonald’s and ask for black coffee, they do not ask if you want unsweetened or sweetened like you can get with iced tea. On the other hand, lack of appearance of concern, is why you see more people going to a Sheetz Convenience Chain, where available, for their speciality drinks, coffes and tea. I know some of Sheetz Corporate management, and if they become aware that store mgmt did not appropriately resolve, copies of the complaints to their 800# get emailed to RGM, DGM, and store mgr. at the minimum. Where Sheetz may not be available, Dunkin Donuts, and McDonald’s are also banking on the additional business for that $2.00 drink plus upsales. I say look up on your IPhone, or watch for the big red Sheetz image, for “One Stop Convenience” Open 24hrs a day, including holidays as your first choice.
very well said, daddy. bravo.
I <3 Sheetz!!! They need them in Florida!!!
visit pennsylvania! yoga! sheetz! and the montour trail! (and that’s about it – haha). :)
Always strive to be kind first, as negative energy is more draining to a person than positive energy……
I have to agree with mocha mary, you a little (and by a little i of course mean a lot) on the crazy side. While you may have some very real disorders and struggles, that by no means gives you the right to treat people like shit. Mistakes happen, whether it is a lack of attention to detail, a forgetful moment, or starbucks deciding to have weird recipe standards. Whatever the case, it was obviously just that, a mistake. And let me tell you, as someone who works in the service industry, they happen often. That may suck, but its true. What is funny to me is that a lot people choose to respond with grace, and compassion, and yet someone who seems to receive a lot of grace from here readers does not pay it forward. It is just sad that you can react like a “monster” to a stranger who made a small mistake and everyone on this blog will have compassion on you and respect you for admitting it, and yet in the moment while you were at starbucks, you did quite the opposite.
I do respect your apology. However, Papa, her apology was in print on a blog, the same way casey’s SECOND attempt at defending herself was.
dear Really?!,
thank you for your feedback. at the risk of sounding redundant, i will reiterate that this blog entry’s purpose is to announce my fear of someone else having control over the concoction of my beverage, therefore validating my fear of coffee shops. i took this particular entry one step further, announcing that because of my bulimic mindset, i treated someone, namely casey, inhumanely. the compassion that i’m receiving from my readers is probably due to the fact that i’m opening my soul to the world, talking about something that is considered as taboo. that something is bulimia. that something is being inhumane when my monster takes charge. i might as well have created a blog entry title that read, “i’m a bitch, and although i’m compassionate to animals, i completely disregard the feelings of humans when i’m in a bulimic mindset.” so, this forum is NOT to counsel me upon how to treat people in the service industry . . . you’re talking to the girl who loved being a wendy’s drive-thru order taker, sandwich maker, and coordinator for two years during high school. the purpose of this forum is to provide feedback related to feelings, related to me, as the monster. how did you feel when i turned into the monster? rather, how did casey feel? i want to warn the bulimics in the world to stop being bulimic, with effort to control the inhumane acts toward people, such as casey the starbucks girl, in future situations of order screw-ups. if i have ever offended you personally, how did it make you feel? describe exactly what you mean by, “you [are] a little (and by a little i of course mean a lot) on the crazy side.” what can i do to improve our interactions? do you experience these inhumane acts with other people? are they similar to me? are they different? do you think they’re bulimic, too? let’s find a common ground and move forward. getting stone cold stares from the morning girls at my local starbucks upon ordering my KIND bar this morning wasn’t a pleasant feeling; so believe me, i understand the feeling of being on the receiving side of hatred. let’s just all be KIND. with peace, nicole
Ok now, I have a great deal on my scheduling plate but I am now sucked into this topic and relationship to the Starbucks Brand issue. To better understand both sides, I found it necessary to review Starbucks’ own website and believe team members need to visit their own corporate website since management may not have properly prepared them for their imporant role. I also looked at their corporate ethical responsibility policies and wish to share:
http://www.starbucks.com/responsibility/wellness
Starbucks commitment to wellness begins with the foods and beverages we offer in our stores.
From coffee, tea, smoothies and skinny lattes to fresh fruit, salads, whole grains and reduced fat pastries, Starbucks offers a variety of delicious options to meet our customer’s needs. And you can feel good knowing that all of our foods are no more than 500 calories and free from unnecessary ingredients like high fructose corn syrup, artificial flavors, dyes, and artificial trans fats.
As far as iced coffee, they represent sweetened and unsweetened with unsweetened having “0″ grams of sugar, and “0″ fat. On iced coffee it comes up sweetened, so you need to click the drop down screen to view the unsweetened.
http://www.starbucks.com/menu/drinks/brewed-coffee/iced-coffee?foodZone=9999#size=106510&sweetened=0as iced coffee
Regards, Just the thoughts of a pauper…..
As a follow-up to reported Starbucks’ team member(s) comments earlier in the blog, if store management inadvertently failed to provide them a copy of corporate policies manual, I have attached the following link as a courtesy, as I feel sure they do bust their butts working for a lower wage, and believe they desire to keep their jobs at least for the time being.
http://assets.starbucks.com/assets/sobc-english-2010.pdf
Feel free to click on this link and advance forward to pages 4-6 for a portion of the team member’s role.
Regards,
Thoughts of a pauper.
To be honest, this isn’t a blog about corporate america. Lets not turn it into true starbucks confession hour, and just take it for what it is. The only reason why I left a comment, Nicole, was because I thought it so ironic that I saw the blog and felt like I needed to speak my peace about it. The only thing that urged me was that I felt lied to. So, that’s all. But no one should be angry, defensive, or emotionally involved about what was said and done. I appreciate your apology, but everyone has their moments.
I understand the fears you must have with restaurants and coffee shops, and it is strange how fears affect us. I’m sorry for causing a loss of focus on your entry.
casey, i’m so glad that you spoke your peace. i look forward to being kind at our next interaction. i promise to be. enjoy your saturday! :)
As someone who is in recovery, a member of Starbucks mangement, and a person who strives to take responsibility for there actions; i felt compelled to respond.
First, I’ll address the customer service issues and policies that “Papa” felt it necessary to post. As with any corporation, there are specific training procedures to be followed when a new employee starts their career. This includes, but is not limited to; recipes, order-taking, and customer service. If someone like Gwendolyn has such a fear, expressed like someone with diabetes, then the order should be presented as such. The assumption is that the customers do not know the default recipes, and follow-up questions should be asked. Whether these partners were new or have been with the company for a long time, is irrelovent. The companies policy is as such, every customer should recieve the drink they ordered or intended to order, regardless of fault(i.e. customer or employee). And make a commitment to “make it right.” Starbucks appreciates all feedback, and welcomes any ideas of out customers.
Now to discuss the intent of this blog. I learned, early on in recovery, that i am not responsible for my disease, but i am responsible for my recovery. I agree that an important part of this process is share ones fears, and express them in a healthy manner. Pain shared, is pain lessened. But, even more importantly, taaking responsibilty for our actions. The sixth step says that we become willing, where as, the seventh step asks if we are entirely ready. For a long time I was willing to have my defects removed, but not entirely ready to put in the footwork that is necessary to avoid the shortcomings that follow. For a long time i felt that awarenes of these things would be sufficient. This only caused more harm and pain, because I was still acting out in the same manner as before. Gwen, I applaud your for your vulneralbilty here, especially in a public forum. But, i urge to look at changing the behaviors that lead to your disorder in the first place.
As it has already been stated, we all are human, we all make mistakes. This includes myself, the employee, Starbucks, Gwendolyn, and even “the pauper”, are fallible. I ask everyone involved to remember that the purpose of this life is to have love, undestanding, and compassion when dealing with eacthother. Strive to be better today than you were yesterday.
I send all of you love and light. Treat eachother well.
As for Mocha Mary, it is apparent she is not a part of management and should, perhaps, seek other employment if she has such a distain for the public.
dear FreeFromTheBondageOfSelf,
your comment is extremely important to this thread. i’m currently mobile so cannot provide as comprehensive of response as desired, but i shall simply state that i’m honoured to have a fellow recoverer’s participation with providing insight. unlike yours, my personal form of recovery does not involve specific “steps” but rather it embodies specific processes, this segment on fear being one of those processes. for the last year and fortnight, i’ve focused upon not bingeing and purging. success! for this “new year,” i am focusing upon the peripherals of my disease, example “i freaked out on the starbucks girl.” it’s so interesting to learn about how others are tackling this disease and other addictions, for that matter. as it pertains to the pauper’s comments, i shall allow for him to respond. and as it pertains to mocha mary, i fully concur with your counsel. i think that starbucks employees are KIND like puppies and ponies. her attitude doesn’t seem to fit that mold. please keep reading my blog, and please provide your insight when fitting because it can absolutely help so many others who are tuning in for purposes of killing their bulimia. happy to be corresponding with you, nicole :)
I liked your comment about how your first clean year was about just that, staying clean from binging/purging. And now you feel ready to focus on attitudes/emotions/bulimic behavior that is associated with the bulimia. As I have previously expressed to you, my husband Brian has been clean/sober for 3 1/2 years, but it is only really the past 1 1/2 years that he has really begun to work on all his “addict behaviors” that are associated with a drug addiction. When someone undertakes something as massive as changing their whole lifestyle, coping mechanisms, etc., I don’t see how there is any way they can do that in addition to dealing with all of the peripheral (good word) behaviors as well. There is a reason why a big AA saying is “one day at a time.” Cause sometimes, I am sure, just getting through the day without drugs/alcohol/binging/purging is enough. You just aren’t able/ready to also deal with those peripherals. But that is awesome that you are moving forward and also starting to conquer those as well! :)
“one day at a time.” thank you for saying that, vlmd! based on some recent feedback, i was beginning to think, “maybe i’m not moving fast enough.” your message is so comforting. and i’m so honoured that you’ve shared your husband’s recovery story with me. he’s a lucky fellow to have such a lovely wife! :) xoxo
I appreciate anyone who is changing the harmful behaviors, whether it’s via a 12step program or not. I know from my own experience, that abstinence is not enough, albeit, drugs, alcohol, binging and purging, whatever is harming us and causing us pain. Yes, i agree, that, in the beginning, the most important thing is honest sharing and connecting with people who are afflicted with the same burdens. My process of change began at 2-3 months, where i admitted complete surrender and made a commitment to the spiritual(not religious) process that would allow me to change my motives, behaviors, action, reactions, and cognitive processes that compelled me to believe a false reality. It is essential to seek others who are battling the same “monster” and learn how they are coping in their life. One learns in any form of recovery that, to remain stagnant or complacent for too long, can be harmful or detrimental to the process. I am humbled by those who choose a new path, in which, they enhance the value of their life.
I know this is an old post, but this same situation happened to me as well. And I’m not even that obsessed about my weight. I just don’t like sweet flavored coffee. I too wondered when black coffee started to mean black with sugar. I don’t drink Starbucks anymore.
hahaha! :) anita, thank you for this “sweet” message . . . no pun intended! i look forward to checking out your blog and learning more about you! xxx
I do admit, I have not read the other comments..I will do so when I have more time as i think your interaction with your readers is one of the strongest points about this Blog, and It is always intresting to see how others react to a post that I read and think ‘oh, I could have written that’..I said this someplace else..in fact it is something I have said so many times it is becoming something of a mantra..but it is funny how the ED tells us we are ‘special’ and ‘different’ yet we all follow such similar rules…like lemmings.
I think that cafe owners and the employees of Starbucks and the like prolly have a very good insight into ED’s through this very scenario occurring time and time again..it’d be funny to place a box on ‘their’ side of the desk and ask what THEY thought about eating disorders. I also think it is strange, the amount of people who have ED’s who take employment in the food industry..i know I have had very ‘sympathetic- i -know-what -you-are-thinking’ looks from people serving me my ‘are you sure that is skinny’ lattee or my ‘no fat, right?’ hot drink. Another good post. Kudos.
“are you sure that is skinny?”
i feel as though i could have written that!!!
since writing this post (gosh, so many months ago!), i have developed a nice, respectable rapport with the local starbucks girls. i’m so grateful that they’re nice to me now, especially after having so much insulted one of their colleagues. i’m certain they’d be willing to talk with me about this subject. i think you’ve given me a nice little idea for a future interview and post.
thank you! xxx
You behaved terribly. It is better to be fat than to be a bitchy asshole.